There are some things I'm really good at saying no to:
Does it require driving around town on the weekends? No.
Can you watch more tv? No.
Would you like to attempt to induce labor by walking around in 100 degree heat with me? Not if you paid me.
But there are a lot of things that I find myself opening my mouth to say "yes" to, even if I know I shouldn't.
Can you teach Sunday School the month you're due? Sure!
Would you like to join the new Worship committee, even though you're already serving on Missions, and in seminary, and about to have 2 kids? Heck yeah!
Can you skype in to our Seminary retreat a week or so after you have a baby? Of course, they just sleep all the time at that point anyway!
I have also had to nearly physically restrain myself from offering to be the new chair for the Missions committee (don't do it, don't do it, don't do it), and from offering to teach Sunday School in the coming weeks. (Again, do you remember life with a newborn? No? There's a reason why.)
In general, I am an overachiever who thinks my schedule can handle basically everything, even with tossing a new baby in there. Only overachievers take on master degrees + working full time + little kids at home. And last year was fine, it was great, in fact. I enjoyed all my classes, I got great grades, it wasn't easy but it was so worth it. I have an entire year of seminary under my belt. It feels like quite the accomplishment.
When we decided to try for a second baby, the idea was that hopefully we could have this baby after General Conference, and before I started school for year 2. That really gave us a window of June to July and thankfully we managed to make it work. I assumed I'd go up to United in early-mid September to start my semester with a Spiritual Formation retreat. Having a baby sometime in July would still let us travel in September. It wasn't until after I got pregnant that I saw the new schedule for the school year. This year, the retreat was moved up by six weeks. It was now August 2nd. And I am due July 16th. "There's no way," I thought. "There's no way I can travel to Ohio the first week of August. What if she's late, like Caleb was??" I arranged to Skype into the retreat as I was available. "No problem," I thought. "I'll just do it between feedings. It'll be fine."
Earlier this week I got the pre-work and syllabus. All of sudden, with less than 2 weeks to go in my pregnancy, I have a paper to write and a couple books to read. And you know what I don't want to do this weekend, even if I'm not in labor? Write a paper. Read academic books. Nor do I want to attempt to juggle a newborn, feeding, diapers, attempting to eat a meal myself, and trying to video conference and available to my classmates a week or so after I leave the hospital. It's just not a good idea. It's the same feeling I got when I tried to start the candidacy process in the Wisconsin conference and came up against a number of road blocks. That's when I know that God is asking me to slow down and look closely at what I'm trying to do. Rethink things. Is there a better (usually easier) way? Where is God directing me? It took reading that syllabus to realize that God was saying "slow down. You can come back to this. Take a real maternity leave for goodness sake. It is a gift."
I called my seminary yesterday with a pit in my stomach, asking to put a hold on my Spiritual Formation class for the year, and pick it up again next fall. It was hard to admit to myself, and to my program director, that I just want the month of August to snuggle my baby girl. Watch the Olympics. Nap. More snuggles. But I almost didn't get the sentence of "If it's not a big deal on your end to pick this up next year" out before he was affirming my decision. "We really wanted you to be in the driver's seat on this, but I'm so glad you came to this decision." They were just waiting for me to call and them I needed to put myself and my family first. I was so relieved when I got off the phone. No skyping in. No trip up to Ohio with a 5 or 6 week old. As my mom pointed out, God was providing for our family before I even knew to ask.
I'm still going to do school this year, and take a full 9 hour class
load, but those won't start until mid-September, when life has settled
down a little bit. In meantime I'm looking forward to those hours on the couch with baby June like I remember with Caleb.
