And I will sing Hallelujah

Like many other new parents-to-be, Brian and I have been learning about pregnancy and birth and babies as we go. Every pain sends us running for the book that came with my first doctor's appointment. Mostly because I say "it's normal" and Brian looks at me and says "are you sure?" which means "I'd prefer to call the doctor and ask her" but I don't want to call the doctor, so I look it up in the book. There it is, random aches and pains, right under month four, exactly where I am. I've had a sincerely easy pregnancy so far, so everything unusual seems heightened.

I decided we should get a little more acquainted with the birth process, seeing as how our current plan is "seeing how it goes." I had seen The Business of Being Born (TBBB) before, when one of my best friends was training to be a doula, and I knew our best friends up here, our parents gurus, had watched it. It's a pretty hippie-leaning documentary (and I think that's a kind description). I purposely had us wait to watch it until we had met our doctor and seen the hospital. She's awesome, the hospital is awesome, the maternity ward feels very calm and serene. Exactly where you want to have a baby. But TBBB focuses on how doctors (as a sweeping generalization) don't understand natural birth, hospitals are money makers (true) looking at the bottom line, we should all have our babies in our living room, hooray! 

I'm the last person to knock home birth. I, and my little sister, were successfully born in my parents' first house, with the help of a CS nurse, a midwife, and a doctor who showed up at the end. But it's not right for us. We watched TBBB to help learn what questions to ask, and they're some good ones: How long can I labor before my doctor orders Pitocin? What, exactly, will constituent needing a c-section? Can I labor in the tub awhile? Should we talk to the doulas who practice at the hospital? 

How am I getting from here to Hallelujah? 

Brian noted that the TBBB focus seemed to be on control. They say that in the hospital, the parents have no control. At home, the birthing mother (going through her "rite of womanhood," sorry, I'm not that hippie) has all the control. Our first thought was "we're not experienced in having a baby, we're going to let the doctor be in control." And then we remembered that Dr. K had said "the baby's going to have its own plan and that's the plan we'll follow." So, the baby's in control, right? 

Wrong. The baby's not in control, Dr. K isn't in control and I'm not in control. It struck me as I was making dinner, singing along to my worship music, my own small version of kitchen church: God is in control. God is in control today, week 16, 5 days. God is in control in month 9, and God is in control in the delivery. Just as I sing His praises in my kitchen, I will also sing His praises in the hospital, as He brings new life in our world.

Amen.